You receive a beautiful bouquet of flowers at work. Your co-workers admire them and comment on how lucky you are to receive such a nice gift. Instead of feeling fortunate, you are terrified. You know who sent the flowers - your estranged partner. He's been stalking you.

Thousands of Canadian women are terrified for their lives each and every day. In 1999, 5,382 incidents of criminal harassment were reported - a 32% increase from 1996. Between 1997 and 1999, there were nine stalking-related homicides in Canada, each involving a female being stalked and subsequently killed by an intimate partner or ex-partner. (Source: Statistics Canada)

"It takes over your entire existence. You're always thinking 'Where is he? When will I see him again? What is going to happen next?'" said Donna-Lee Iffla, training, outreach and volunteer coordinator at Amelia Rising Sexual Assault Centre (North Bay, ON). "If the only thing you're certain of in life is that you're being followed, it's not good."

Most people think stalking is just a man following you around and phoning you, Iffla explained, but there are a lot of different ways to stalk a person.

Stalkers can damage the property of the victim (i.e., break windows, slash tires), leave notes on the windshield of her car so she knows he was there. Some stalkers will harm or kill things valued by the victim, like pets or small animals on the property. Stalkers will survey their victims' homes or places of work for extended periods of time; show up uninvited; contact and threaten their friends, neighbors, co-workers and family. Stalking often escalates and can include assault (sexual or physical) or even kidnapping.

"He'll do anything that will frighten her psychologically," Iffla explained. "It's a form of psychological terrorism."

This 'psychological terrorism' can ruin a woman's life and health. Physical symptoms such as migraines and eating disorders can develop, and conditions like asthma can worsen. Many women experience post-traumatic stress syndrome, depression, anxiety and panic attacks, pessimism, and trouble sleeping.

Women who leave abusive partners are at high risk of being stalked. It's a common misconception that women choose to stay in abusive relationships and won't leave, Iffla explained. "People ask 'Why do they stay?' But what people don't know is that when they [abused women] leave they are more at risk than when they stay," she said.

Iffla said she has seen cases where a man will show his partner newspaper clippings of incidents where women who left were later killed by their estranged partners, and then threaten that that is what will happen to her if she leaves.

Women who live in isolated areas or low-income women, often find it difficult to get help if someone is stalking them. Sometimes they have no transportation - some don't own vehicles or they don't have access to public transportation. In certain cases, rural women only have access to party-line phones; therefore, they have no privacy in the community if they need help.

"They're [abused women] making the better of two terrible choices - stay and be beaten or leave and be killed," Iffla said.

Criminal harassment legislation has been in effect since 1993, making stalking illegal. However, groups that work with abused women say that the legislation is not being enforced as it should, and as a result, not enough is being done to stop criminal harassment. In 1998/99, more than 4,000 cases involving criminal harassment charges were heard in adult provincial or territorial courts, an increase of 32% from 194/95; however, only about half of these charges led to a conviction. A jail term was imposed in 35% of convicted criminal harassment cases. The average length of prison sentences in criminal harassment cases has increased from 30 days in 1994/95 to 90 days in 1998/99. (Source: Statistics Canada)

In the courts, women are often blamed for the violence done to them. The statements they make about how the stalking has affected their lives are rarely heard in court. In 40% of the cases, charges were dropped because the accused consented to sign a peace bond agreeing not to go near the victim. Unfortunately, both peace bonds and restraining orders have proven to be ineffective in stalking cases.

According to Iffla, as long as people 'buy into the myth' that women are to blame, things will not change. Offenders will not have to take responsibility, and women will still feel bad. "Blaming the victim [in society] is easier than blaming the offender. It's an enormous task to change things," Iffla explained.

While the criminal harassment law may not be used to its fullest potential, some changes are starting to take place. There is now a handbook for police and crown prosecutors to refer to regarding the new criminal harassment law. As of 1998, both the Toronto Police Force and the Ontario Provincial Police have added threat assessment units to their forces. Members of these units are trained to deal with cases of criminal harassment. They assist regular officers in assessing the level of danger a stalking victim is facing.

There are many ways that people can help inform others that criminal harassment is a serious offense. Raise awareness about the issue, and the need to support victims of stalking. Challenge the myth that stalking behaviour is charming, harmless and acceptable. Recognize that stalking and other forms of abuse are violations of a person's human rights. Join others to strengthen the law against criminal harassment. And don't look the other way if you know or suspect someone is being stalked.