By Kerry Kelly
Young People's Press

Stand by your man, ladies. He may hit you, he may rape you, but stick around, forgive and forget, keep a stiff upper lip and paint it a fiery red.

Be proud of your silence. The more you can put up with, the stronger you are. It's the new television chic, and my, don't it make the ratings soar.

No '90s drama can seem to resist a date-rape story line and, for all its attitude, "Felicity" is sadly no different. The rape, the confrontation, the admission, and total closure come in three hour-long episodes.

See how easy it is to forgive a rapist? Especially when he's painted as such a gentle character. A nice rapist, a remorseful rapist paying for it on the better, he's really sorry and his dad's gonna kill him. He even wrote an apology letter. Too damn bad!

Rape is a violent crime, punishable by more than an apology. Why wasn't that mentioned in the show? Why didn't we see a court case? It interfered with spring break, perhaps.

So forgive and forget and leave that nasty legal business for a really serious show like Law & Order, I guess.

Switching networks, what about everyone's favorite abuser on Party of Five?

Ned has issues. Ned hits. But Julia can help him through it if she just sticks around long enough. Nothing like telling millions of teenagers around the world that all you need is love and a little iodine to turn an abusive relationship into life long bliss.

But this is not exploiting the issue, right?

Watch enough prime time t.v. and you'll get a real feel for domestic abuse. Look how pained Julia looks, see how distanced she is from her family, notice how she mistakenly believes Ned will change.

Such a slice of life! A dose of reality for those of us who have never had the misfortune to experience abuse firsthand.

Except for the blood. Where on earth is the blood? And the screaming, not to mention the pleading on your knees for it to stop?

Not very dignified behavior for a proud young woman like Julia. I guess nineties' girls don't fall to the floor after a kick in the stomach.

Heaven forbid television should play a useful role in telling young women that date rape is (ital.) not ok (ital.). And that rapists deserve more than a slap on the wrist. Or reinforcing the fact that the only way to stop an abusive relationship is to get out.

Why tell them that one hit is one too many and that he WILL do it again? What kind of ratings would a show like this get with no perilous threat to ensure the audiences tune in from week to week?

Besides, young women know how to stand up for themselves these days, right?

No, apparently not. A 1994 Statistics Canada survey on wife abuse showed that over 200,000 Canadian women had been physically or sexually abused by their partner that year.

Spousal abuse is trauma, not drama, and it shouldn't be exploited for ratings.

The Party of Five cast's recent appearance on the Rosie O'Donnell Show is a perfect example of how television trivializes abuse. While the actors danced and spit for Rosie's entertainment, Ned's portrayer spent his time writing "I will not hit Julia" on a blackboard.

Oh yeah that'll cure him.

Perhaps it was a pretty good gag, but abuse is not a joke. The Bart Simpsons of the world write on blackboards for punishment, not the O.J. Simpson's.

Kerry Kelly, 23, is an editor with Young People's Press in North Bay.

By Elen Luc
Young People's Press

I am outraged and frustrated by the article "Don't Trivialize Violence.' The author, I think, does not seem to know what it is really like to be involved in an abusive relationship. She also does not seem to realize that TV is showing how women truly react to abusive partners.

I hope she has never been in a situation of abuse and never will be; but I believe that people need to hear from someone who has.

Photo by Richelle Forsey Click on Image to Enlarge

Popular television series that include situations of domestic violence and rape in their shows are not exploiting these issues. In fact, including these incidents in an episode can actually help viewers who are in the same situation to realize they are in denial. These programs also impart tools to help younger women recognize the signs of a potentially harmful boyfriend or acquaintance.

Victims are not proud of their silence. I am not proud of mine. It took me two years to get away from a violent boyfriend and it has been over four years since I have had contact with a family "friend" who assaulted me. To this day I live in silence, separated from my family. I cannot face them yet - and maybe I never will.

Most women don't leave after the first, second or even the third incident of violence. It took me years to leave.

I don't watch 'Felicity' and I can't say whether or not the response of the date rape victim was real. But I do know that the 'Party of Five' showed the 'I can make it better if I stay with him' rationale that exists inside a victim's mind. Julia pleaded with her brothers to let her stay with Ned although he hit her. She believed he needed her and the help that only she could give him to get better. She also thought he was all she had.

That is how the cycle of abuse starts - the abuser begs for help from the abused and the abused stay, thinking they are the only one who can help the abuser change.

The beatings continue.

When Julia did decide to leave, she did not 'just walk out the door' and 'that was the end of it.' She is still dealing with her experience. The writers of the show just moved the story on to its next stage to avoid dwelling on, or dragging out, the issue. They have their viewers' attention and can now show women how to escape an abuser and get on with their lives.

The author of 'Don't Trivialize Violence' indicated that there should have been a court case. In reality, however, women who press charges are often re-victimized in court as they are forced to relive the horrific experience in what are often brutal cross-examinations.

As well women blame themselves for the attack and sometimes the abuser/attacker will take advantage of their vulnerable emotional state and try to make them feel guilty for pressing charges.

I still blame myself.

It is possible the series writers didn't show a trial because they knew it would be painful to watch and unrealistic when everything ended perfectly, as the plaintiff walked away smiling.

Television programs are showing the reality of being with someone who assaults you. They are not promoting the idea that women should stay with an abuser and isolate themselves in silence. There may be no blood, whining or begging during a show, but the audience comes to understand a woman's situation the first time she is hit.

Television has to draw the line somewhere because writers don't want to scare their viewers into turning the TV off. The next person tuning in could be someone who needs help getting out of a similar situation. Writers have to be aware of this to ensure people keep the television on, to see that there is a way out.

The portrayal of women and abuse/rape on television is realistic and educational. These programs are a guide for viewers, not a ploy for ratings. They show women that it is possible to get out and get on with life.

Elen Luc is a pseudonym. She is 22 years old and attends a Toronto College.